Ah...the dilemma of a blogger.
Either she has nothing at all to blog about...
or she has many, many topics to blog about--all which need quite a bit of development in order to publish.
I started this blogging journey fearing the first. I kept telling my blogging friend, Nicky, that I would never have enough to blog about.
It has been quite the opposite. I have several "starts" to blog posts sitting in my word processor, just waiting to be developed into real, live posts. They will sit there for a couple of months until they are no longer relevant. Then I'll go in and hit the old delete button.
I used to have a notebook that I carried around that Carrie called "Mom's brain." I had everything written down in that notebook. If a thought was swirling around in my head keeping me from going to sleep, I would write it in my notebook. All of my "to do" lists were kept in that notebook--and yes, I had several "to do" lists going at one time. Prayer promises were written in there. Blog ideas. Menus. Funny things the kids said. Books I wanted to read. Bible verses to memorize. Ideas for homeschool units. It was this unorganized mess of how I felt my brain would look if you could take a picture of it.
But! Once written in the notebook, I could erase it from my brain! I no longer had to think about all of those bits and pieces, I could just read them in the notebook, do them, and cross them off. The best day ever was when an entire page got crossed off and I could rip that page out of the notebook!
The problem with the notebook and why it no longer exists?
It became my boss.
And a pretty nasty boss at that.
"My Brain" would tell me what to do and robotically, I would do it.
And with the all-or-none personality that I have, if it was on the list, by gum, I was going to get that puppy crossed off if it had me crazy doing it...which sometimes it did.
Work was in that notebook.
Responsibilities in which results could be seen when they were accomplished.
But what about reading with Josh?
Playing a game with William?
Chat-time with Carrie?
Cuddling with Matthew?
Planning and dreaming with Paul?
Nope.
My list trumped them all.
It was my task-master.
And I was missing out on all the fun.
So, I no longer have a "brain."
Sometimes I long to have it back.
Occasionally, I do use it, but not to the extent that I used it before.
Most of the time I do things without consulting my "brain" at all.
And...do I miss my brain?
Yes.
Sometimes.
When I'm standing in the middle of the kitchen wondering what I should be doing next...even as a pile of laundry a mile high is sitting in the bathroom and the dishes are making the kitchen stink.
When I can't go to sleep because this one thing that I MUST get done tomorrow keeps at me with its incessant pecking.
When I forget...forget what great idea I had this morning for a lesson...forget where that great Bible verse on forgiveness is located...forget what's for supper...
That's when I break into song..."If I Only Had a Brain!"
Am I any better at reading with Josh or playing games with William or chatting with Carrie or cuddling with Matthew or dreaming with Paul?
My guilt-ridden conscience would shout a resounding, "NO!"
But deep-down, I think I am.
I don't really think that throwing out my "brain" made me any better at spending time doing the things that REALLY matter. In fact, that old notebook was probably what helped me to see that I need to be more purposeful in the time I spend with the ones I love.
So maybe, just maybe, I could have my notebook back?
Reclaim my "brain?"
Maybe then today's blog post would have been about what I originally thought about writing...being a Titus 2 woman...instead of turning into a post about my "brain."
I'll go start that post on being a Titus 2 woman now...
and maybe you'll see it...or maybe it will get deleted in a month or two.
